'My husband suffered a massive stroke at 53': I'm 64 and will rent for the rest of my life - but I'm still hopeful

By Quentin Fottrell

'Ill-timed circumstances can change our financial future in unexpected ways'

"I'm not complaining and not feeling sorry for myself." (Photo subject is a model.)

Dear Quentin,

As the renter in his 50s pointed out (I lost my home in the Great Recession. I rent in my 50s. Why is that judged as failure?), some ill-timed circumstances can change our financial futures in unexpected ways. I am a renter in my 60s. I left a bad relationship in my 40s, just before the recession hit. As house values fell, my ex ended up buying me out with a small sum.

I married a wonderful man with a good income. He left his job due to some health issues and my husband suffered a massive stroke at 53, leaving him bed-bound, with brain damage, partial paralysis, unable to communicate or speak clearly, unable to safely eat solid foods, and in diapers. My income was enough to support me but not enough to have any real savings.

He lost his employer life-insurance benefit, and we hadn't purchased a new policy. We thought we were still young and strong and had plenty of time to plan our future. I never expected life to throw me this curveball. I ended up quitting my job to stay home and care for him full time. That was 11 years ago. I am renting a nice house in a nice neighborhood, and we are comfortable.

Though I would love to have a house that is mine, I am glad I don't have to worry about home maintenance and repairs. When my husband dies, I will be even poorer, as I will lose his Social Security income and will have only my Social Security to live on. I was able to get a $10,000 guaranteed life-insurance policy for him, which may just cover final expenses.

I'm not complaining, and I don't feel sorry for myself. I know I could have made other choices and had a different outcome. That could have been better, or it could have been worse. I accept the direction my life has taken, and I am grateful that we are comfortable and have all we need. At this point, I expect I will be renting for the remainder of my life.

There is some comfort in not being tied down to a house.

A 64-year-old Renting in Arizona

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

Related: My wife never went back to work after raising our kids. Do I have to share my retirement savings 50/50?

There are anywhere between 7 million and 10 million people in the U.S. aged 65 and over who are renters, depending on the source.

Dear Renting in Arizona,

Thank you for writing such a vulnerable and openhearted letter. Life takes unmerciful twists and turns, and financial security is not always about choices.

The end of a relationship can be devastating emotionally, but it can also deal a swift and lasting blow to your finances, especially if one party ends up with a property and the other is out in the cold with a small amount of pocket change. The average divorce lawyer will have enough files to write a gothic horror movie (which are all the rage right now, apparently). You survived and you met your second husband, and life dealt you another unwelcome turn. Medical debt is still one of the major causes of bankruptcy in America.

Mostly, as your letter illustrates, there are often rich and wonderful and challenging and even painful life stories behind terms like "renters" and "homeowners." It's easy to judge, but it's better to listen and learn from other people's experiences. Divorce, illness, economic crises, interest-rate hikes, rising house prices, job loss, educational opportunities and upbringing can all play a role. So I want to thank you for sharing such a personal story in a public forum, because sometimes there's too little kindness and willingness to understand the lives of others.

Some folks get a nice inheritance from their parents; others don't. You are, for what it's worth, part of a large minority. There are between 7 million and 10 million people in the U.S. ages 65 and over who are renters, depending on the source. Seniors are now the fastest-growing group of renters, rising by 30% between 2013 and 2023, at least according to this U.S. Census Bureau-based estimate. Some rent by choice, while others do so out of necessity. Not everyone wants to sign up to a 30-year mortgage, one they will likely never live pay off, in their 50s or 60s.

Related: My wife says we can't afford to retire. I vetoed her $8,000 trip to Italy. We're in our 60s and have $4 million. Do I keep working?

HOA fees and 'rent-burdened' seniors

There are also people in their 50s and 60s who see the large amount of equity in their homes and decide why leave all that money behind, why not tap that equity, rent and live a life with more freedom? This can suit a couple with the means and the willingness to live a more unpredictable lifestyle, especially in metropolitan areas. New York City, in fact, has more senior renters than millennial renters, and, yes, a growing number are classified as "rent burdened." You belong to a colorful, lively and resilient community of senior renters.

Owning a home is expensive, sometimes prohibitively so, even if you don't have to replace the roof. Homeowner-association fees have risen by 25% to roughly $135 a month from $108 in 2019, per research from Realtor.com (which is owned by the same parent company as Dow Jones, which owns MarketWatch). HOA fees are also harder to avoid: 44% of homes for sale are now subject to a monthly HOA fee, in part due to builder preferences and a preference for HOAs among some municipalities. Property taxes have also risen more than inflation.

Surviving spouses can claim up to 100% of a late spouse's Social Security, depending on when they claim, should your husband's be higher than yours and you predecease him. You may wish to look into what financial support may be available for a family caregiver, like Medicare's home-health services, in addition to Section 8 housing and housing-choice vouchers. Affordable housing is in high demand due to rising poverty rates, and it's often a complicated prospect for seniors who earn just enough to get by but not enough to qualify.

Your home does not need to be a symbol of status and financial success. After 11 years of caring for your husband, I have no doubt that you know that better than I do.

Related: 'People in the U.S. need to wake up': As a mortgage loan officer, I rejected applications from wealthy couples. Here's why.

Check out The Moneyist's private Facebook group, where members help answer life's thorniest money issues. Post your questions, weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns or email The Moneyist on qfottrell@marketwatch.com.

More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

'I don't want to die on the sales floor': I'm 67 and earn $19.50 an hour at a big-box store. When can I finally retire?

'I am a pretty cautious person': My financial adviser wants me to invest $350,000 in a UAE data center. Is this risky?

My sister moved in with our mother, 78, and now says she deserves the $925,000 family home. Is she right?

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-Quentin Fottrell

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10-19-26 1330ET