My brother-in-law convinced his parents to -2-

Most startling of all: He has presented this property gambit, where ownership remains solely with him and his wife, as an act of goodwill. Regardless of his motives, ownership remains solely with him and his wife, while the parents contribute approximately $1.2 million of their assets. The arrangement gives the brother an extraordinary financial reward.

There are several ways to structure an arrangement such as this, including an appropriate ownership interest, a secured loan or mortgage in favor of the parents, a properly drafted long-term occupancy agreement, or some combination of the above. Whatever happens, the parents' $1.2 million contribution should not simply disappear.

Related: 'People in the U.S. need to wake up': As a mortgage loan officer, I rejected wealthy couples due to overspending. We're all heading for trouble.

Clouded judgment

Your husband, whether unwittingly or not, has allowed his own judgment to be clouded by the inheritance issue. An inheritance is not an inheritance until it goes into your bank account after the death of the decedent in question. Even he proposed receiving a share of the sale of his parents' home. They are still alive. They have not died yet.

Bad things happen when good people stand by and say nothing, even if they are trying to avoid rocking the boat, fear upsetting people or risk ruining a relationship. It's a bad sign that your brother-in-law says his parents will have a place to live (they already have a place to live) and a community (they already appear to have a community) and says they can rely on Medicaid.

The parents are in their 80s, and it's not clear how much time they have left. They might make it to 100 in reasonable health; they may not. But even if they did decide to avail of Medicaid for outpatient care or nursing home care, they should not assume that Medicaid will be available on whatever terms they expect. Financial ruin is not an estate plan.

Ask the parents if they are really sure about this move and tell them not to hand over their assets or buy a property without their name being on the deed, in an amount at least proportional to how much money they have invested. Hire an independent elder-law and estate-planning attorney to represent the parents and independently evaluate the proposal.

These plans have created great consternation in your family and, to a certain extent, excitement. But your in-laws' rights have been lost in the mix. Both brothers appear intent on ensuring their interests are represented regarding their future inheritance, but where do the parents' wishes and dreams figure in this picture?

Financial ruin is not an estate plan.

Equally worrying, there is so much in your letter about what your brother-in-law wants (money, mainly, and real estate and, I suspect, the status that comes with both) and what your husband wants (a 40% share in the sale of the house). But what do your parents-in-law want? Has anyone asked them? Or do they feel pressured into moving?

Their voices are notably, strangely absent from your retelling of this family saga. You, an attorney, and an elder-care representative should ask them: "Are you happy where you are? Do you want to move? Do you know this plan involves you divesting yourself of all of your life's work and leaves you with nothing on paper? Do you want to be reliant on others?"

Other legitimate questions for the parents, their attorney and their financial adviser: "If you needed $600,000 for care five years from now, where would that money come from?" And: "If your son died, became disabled, divorced or declared bankruptcy and could no longer afford to pay the mortgage, what would happen to you then?"

Finally, the last portion of your letter deals with the family relationships, which creates more noise. You say everyone acquiesces to the older brother. The time has come to break that family pattern, and allow the chips to fall where they may. Worry less about who's talking to whom and who has offended whom, and more about the parents' independence.

Caregiving has real economic value, but it should not come at any price. If, after receiving advice, the parents still want to move and contribute money to the compound, that conversation should happen with all parties having their own legal representation. But their financial security takes precedence over a property deal and the brothers' inheritance.

Don't miss: We thought we found the perfect luxury retirement community, but it's millions of dollars in debt. Are we trapped?

If you suspect an elderly relative is a victim of elder financial abuse, contact the National Elder Fraud Hotline at 833-372-8311 or legal services and Adult Protective Services. Visit the Eldercare Locator or call toll-free at 1-800-677-1116. Or file a report with the Internet Crime Complaint Center, a division of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

By emailing your questions to The Moneyist or posting your dilemmas on The Moneyist Facebook group, you agree to have them published anonymously on MarketWatch.

More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

'I don't want to die on the sales floor': I'm 67 and earn $19.50 an hour at a big-box store. When can I finally retire?

'I'd rather be on a beach in Bali': My husband resents my $8 million net worth. Should I pay for his retirement?

My wife never went back to work after raising our kids. Do I have to share my retirement savings 50/50?

Do you have questions about inheritance, financial literacy or etiquette, estate planning, friendship, divorce, or other tricky money issues relating to family and friends? Send them to MarketWatch's Moneyist.

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-Quentin Fottrell

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10-06-26 1854ET