I went to a dinner party, brought an appetizer and wine - and the host charged me $60. Should I cut ties with her?

By Aditi Shrikant

'Am I right to think this is pretty cheap and rude?'

"She explained that she was charging everyone who attended because it had been an expensive meal."

Dear Dollar Signs,

I was invited to a dinner party by a new friend. I volunteered to bring a charcuterie board for the group - there were about eight people expected - and I also brought a bottle of wine.

Everything was lovely. She made fish and vegetables and had other sides, including mashed potatoes. A few of the other guests also brought sides and appetizers.

The next day, I sent her a message thanking her for inviting me. She responded with a sweetly worded request for $60. She explained that she was charging everyone who attended because it had been an expensive meal.

I found the whole thing bizarre.

Am I right to think this is pretty cheap and rude? I paid her $60, but now I'm nervous about accepting another invitation from her. Maybe, going forward, I should ask ahead of time whether she'd prefer that I Venmo her money rather than bring a dish or appetizer.

The whole thing feels so odd to me. How should I handle invitations from this person in the future?

Dinner for Schmucks

If you're just starting out on your money or career journey and have questions about how to navigate your finances, we want to hear from you. Write to Dollar Signs, MarketWatch's new advice column, at dollarsigns@marketwatch.com.

Dear Diner,

Yes, this is bizarre behavior. And the math is suspicious. If all eight guests gave her $60 that means she accumulated $480. Unless this fish was topped with literal caviar, the meal you're describing doesn't sound like it would be near $500, especially if guests were also contributing sides and appetizers. And how much of it did she cover, herself, then?

This woman seems to have a very unorthodox view of hosting - and I wouldn't assume that it's new. If you have a problem with being blindsided by requests for money, I'd cut ties now. If I had to guess, this is very normal to her and will show up in other social scenarios should you continue a relationship.

It's one thing to want your guests to pitch in - it's another to surprise them with a pretty hefty bill after inviting them over for a meal. If you're going to charge a whopping $60 to cook for people, you'd better tell them beforehand.

That being said, I think you did the right thing. Had you written to me before you acquiesced, I would have told you to pay it, but beware of this behavior going forward.

There is also a less costly, more upfront way to host and not spend a ton of money. Recently, a friend had a barbeque and asked everyone to pay her $10, in lieu of bringing a dish. She hosts quite frequently and noticed that there is always a lot of food waste. She told me she'd rather everyone just bring what they want to drink and leave the food menu to her.

It went quite smoothly. I was happy to pay $10 and not risk seeing my bag of chips and jar of salsa sit unopened on the kitchen counter. It was clear why I was paying the money and the disclosure was made up front - not after the fact.

I sense that part of your discomfort with cutting her off is that this is a new friend, and I can empathize. Making friends as an adult can be hard. When you find one that is gracious enough to host you, it can feel like discovering a rare gem in a mine of homebodies and those siloed to their own friend groups or families.

If the relationship is worth saving, I'd maybe take the financial reins. Put any drinks or movie tickets on your card, and then charge her after the fact. This makes it so the total cost of the outing isn't left up to her judgement.

But, if you have a problem with this kind of rigidity around money, I don't think it's going to work out long term. I promise, there are tons of other people whose financial and communication habits align more with your own. Find them. They are probably more fun than someone who spends $500 on a piece of fish for an eight-person dinner party, anyway.

Write to Dollar Signs at dollarsigns@marketwatch.com.

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-Aditi Shrikant

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09-11-26 1331ET