Why does almost nobody want to befriend older people like me - except scammers?

By Quentin Fottrell

'I'd rather leave my estate to people who spent time with me because they genuinely valued my company'

"Is there some kind of taboo around befriending old people, even if one of the motivations is the possibility of an inheritance?" (Photo subject is a model.)

Dear Quentin,

I don't know if it's just me, or if this is more common in the world than I realize, but why does nobody seem to want to befriend old people except scammers? I've been thinking about whom I might eventually leave my estate to. Apart from two family members, hardly anyone seems particularly interested in staying in contact with me.

It reminds me of a case I once read about involving a British woman who left her fortune to a Chinese couple who rented her property and ran a restaurant there. The couple apparently spent far more time with her than her relatives did. After she died, her relatives challenged the inheritance in court, but they lost.

Is there some kind of taboo around befriending old people, even if one of the motivations is the possibility of an inheritance? Personally, I'd rather leave my estate to people who spent time with me because they genuinely valued my company - even if the possibility of inheriting something was part of the equation - than to heirs who barely bothered to stay in touch.

Living Alone in My 70s

Related: 'Buy a yacht,' he told me. My fiancé, 67, is cutting his kids out of his will - and leaving everything to me. Should I be suspicious?

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

Having a friend to ask for help and advice is enormously valuable.

Dear Living Alone,

Scammers work better when they operate in a vacuum.

These criminals prey on everyone, but they gravitate toward people who are vulnerable. Young or old, if you are alone, you are an easier target. You have fewer people with whom to share your doubts, and you may be more susceptible to offers of love or friendship.

Human relationships, whether we like to admit it or not, routinely are driven by mixed motives, and friendships among people of all ages can be transactional. A person may not be seeking money, but they may be seeking validation or social connections.

Case in point: This Moneyist reader who realized that his golf buddy was only interested in selling him and his friends financial products. The ethical line is crossed when a friendship involves lying, deception, manipulation, coercion or exploitation.

Successful scammers

People - young and old - fall for scams because they are tricked into thinking something is wrong. Sometimes this features a slow suspension of disbelief when people are lured into fake friendships. Other times, they feel they are under pressure and have to make a quick decision.

A successful scammer is calm, persistent and relentless, and endeavors to hold your attention and lead you to believe they're just a concerned good Samaritan or everyday Joe who has something to offer you: a too-good-to-be-true deal or a friendship.

Scammers largely target people who are often still working and who are online, as well as older, retired people who they reach by phone or even by mail. The critical point is that the person they are targeting has ready access to money.

Younger targets

And while the data are mixed on who is targeted the most, a large body of evidence suggests that younger people are targeted more often, while older people tend to lose more money. But all ages are susceptible to being taken in, even if not everyone talks about it.

The median reported loss as the result of a scam was $800 for people ages 70 to 79, and $1,500 for those 80 and over, according to research from the Federal Trade Commission. "Older adults were also much more likely to report fraud they had spotted," the FTC says.

Older adults were more than twice as likely to report losing money on a scam involving a prize, sweepstakes or lottery, the agency adds: "Prize, sweepstakes, and lottery scams often impersonate a well-known business to trick people into sending money to claim nonexistent winnings."

Related: I got two email invitations from friends. Is this a phishing scam - or am I suddenly popular?

No doubt about it: Having a friend to ask for help or advice is enormously valuable. Research published in the journal Psychology and Aging also suggests that while having a big social circle is nice, the quality and closeness of relationships matter more.

Younger adults tend to have larger social networks, often including many acquaintances and online connections, the study found. Older adults generally have smaller networks, but they have about the same number of actual close friends as younger adults.

Relationships with family, neighbors and coworkers may bring a sense of community, but they did not add significantly to well-being once close friendships were considered, the research concluded. Close friendships add significantly to happiness and quality of life.

Losing friends

We lose friends as we get older. People grow apart, they move away, get sick and sometimes die, so family - in theory - should help provide that social, if not emotional, support. But as your experience suggests, that's not always the case. People get busy. They "forget."

And that works both ways. We all have to put in the effort throughout the years so those connections yield rewards later in life when we truly need them. The hard truth is that some people have caring, thoughtful relatives and others don't.

Among older adults, loneliness has long been described as an epidemic. This study from JAMA, the peer-reviewed medical journal published by the American Medical Association, distinguishes between "loneliness" (social isolation) and "feeling alone" (a state of mind).

Age segregation

There may also be a less sinister explanation for what you have experienced. Modern life is remarkably and regrettably very age-segregated, and once people retire, they can lose one of the most reliable sources of social contacts, namely the workplace.

There's a lot to be said for organized socializing, joining community groups and clubs. But the more we assume that an older person's new friend must be after something, the harder it becomes to trust them and form new friendships without others - such as potential heirs - asking questions.

Sometimes, those questions are valid, as many letters in this column can attest, but intergenerational friendships are important too, for both age groups. Older people get to be valued - as they are in Japan, Sweden, the Netherlands - and younger folks get to benefit from their experience.

It's not just you. This is an American and a global problem.

Don't miss: 'I don't want to end up with stalkers': Should I tell my heirs that I'm writing a will and how much they can expect to inherit?

By emailing your questions to The Moneyist or posting your dilemmas on The Moneyist Facebook group, you agree to have them published anonymously on MarketWatch.

More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

'My main goal is to help people': I'm single, 74, with $10 million burning a hole in my pocket. What should I do?

'I've yelled, screamed and cried': My mother gave $400K to online scammers. She still gives them Apple gift cards. What can I do?

'I want to do what is right': My father died without a will. His wife moved out of state - and left me paying the mortgage.

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-Quentin Fottrell

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