Want to live a more meaningful life? Write your own obituary.

By Morey Stettner

By summarizing the life you've lived so far and the life you want to have from now on, you add meaning and intentionality to your days

Crafting your obituary forces you to reflect on your priorities, values and legacy.

Death Cafes are popping up around the world. In these volunteer-run gatherings, people convene - in libraries, places of worship and independent living communities - for tea and snacks to discuss their mortality in an informal, supportive setting.

The conversation often focuses on lofty concepts such as fear of death and the possibility of an afterlife. But participants also tackle practical matters such as estate planning and end-of-life options.

A common exercise involves writing your own obituary.

Crafting your obit forces you to reflect on your priorities, values and legacy. You can determine what you want readers to take away from your life: what motivated you, who shaped you and why you made certain choices.

This exercise works wonders regardless of your age. By summarizing the life you've lived so far and the life you want to have from now on, you add meaning and intentionality to your days. Better yet, you can align your actions with your goals and values.

"You should write your obituary and figure out how to live up to it," Warren Buffett, then 92, said in 2023. The billionaire investor, now 95, added that highlighting how you want others to remember you can give you a blueprint for avoiding mistakes and solidifying your reputation.

Few people take Buffett's advice.

"Most obituaries are written in haste with the help of a funeral director," said James R. Hagerty, a longtime obituary writer for the Wall Street Journal. "They're often dry, formulaic and almost meaningless. It's better if you tell your own story."

You may not see yourself as a skilled writer. But don't let that stop you. A captivating obituary doesn't just summarize one's life. It provides uplift and follows an emotional arc.

Start by capturing a defining moment that reveals your core character. Succinctly describe a time, place and activity that affected you: a rite of passage, a pivotal career move, a tragedy or unexpected turn of events. This serves as your lede - the first few sentences.

From there, tell a series of brief but compelling stories. They're snapshots of what you did, why it mattered and how your beliefs influenced your actions. To add journalistic flair, interview friends and family members and quote them. Weave their comments into the text while integrating your own quotes to capture your authentic voice and personality.

Evocative anecdotes and sharp observations work better than vague praise or sweeping generalizations.

"You're giving a picture of a person through an agglomeration of details," said Clay Risen, an obituary writer for the New York Times.

Don't just write, "Bob was a loving dad." Instead, cite a touching story to show how Bob loved his kids.

Rather than claim, "Jan was a great leader," give examples of how she led effectively. Describe her leadership philosophy and how it manifested itself.

As you write, think about your audience. Ask yourself, "What does the reader need to know?"

"If you love fishing, great," Risen said. "But does that matter to the reader?"

If you get stuck, inject some drama. Ask yourself, "What was my low point?" and "How did I bounce back?"

"You don't have to confess all your sins," said Hagerty, author of "Yours Truly: An Obituary Writer's Guide to Telling Your Story." "But you want to acknowledge some of your mistakes, the things that you found inspiring and how you recovered from a bad blow in life."

Lace your obituary with references to these inspiring aspects of your life. Themes may emerge: how you beat back adversity, sacrificed for others or discovered new ways to love.

Don't lecture the reader on your virtues or lessons learned. Instead, let the stories speak for themselves.

"It's: What am I trying to communicate about myself?" Risen said. "What qualities do others need to know about me? What do I want them to get about me?"

Finally, know when to wrap up. Like a ruthless editor, cut extraneous fluff.

The best obituaries leave a mark. Rather than test the reader's patience, they offer vivid, crystal clear windows into a life well lived.

Read more from MarketWatch Retirement:

Retiring abroad? Watch out for this expensive housing mistake.

The lifetime cost of care for someone with Alzheimer's is over $400,000. Here's how you can prepare for the expense.

Most people make this retirement mistake. You might still have time to fix it.

-Morey Stettner

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05-20-26 1206ET