I'm single and gave my friend a wedding gift - but she didn't get me a housewarming present. Am I wrong to feel snubbed?

By Aditi Shrikant

'I've happily celebrated all of her milestones with her, and I'm hurt that she didn't mark this major moment for me'

Milestones among single people are often minimized or even shoved aside by their partnered peers.

Dear Dollar Signs,

I recently bought a house. It's exciting, but also a little overwhelming to see all the money I saved for my down payment leave my bank account. One of my biggest stressors has been figuring out how to furnish this house now that I spent all of this money getting it.

Most of my friends have given me housewarming gifts, which are so appreciated and go a long way in helping make my house a home. However, there's one friend who hasn't given me a gift. I've tried doing some mental gymnastics to give her grace and recognize that gift giving isn't for everyone, but I still feel hurt and snubbed.

Some back story: This friend and I go back quite a bit. I was in her wedding, bought her engagement and wedding gifts, went on her bachelorette and gave housewarming gifts for her first and second houses. Essentially, I celebrated a lot of big milestones with her that she hasn't had the opportunity to celebrate with me. (I'm very single.) I also know this friend has purchased housewarming gifts for some of our mutual friends in similar positions.

I feel like I've really shown up to celebrate this person. Am I wrong to have expected a gift and wanted to feel celebrated in return? How do I navigate this uncomfortable social dynamic?

House Poor

If you're just starting out on your money or career journey and have questions about how to navigate your finances, we want to hear from you. Write to Dollar Signs, MarketWatch's new advice column, at dollarsigns@marketwatch.com.

Dear House Poor,

I'm going to make an assumption that you, like me, are a Silent Stewer. You don't bring it up when something upsets you, but you also don't let it go. Unbeknownst to the perpetrator, a perceived injustice weighs on your brain, getting heavier as time goes on.

In this particular case, I totally get it. We have all seen the "Sex and the City" episode, but, unlike some of Carrie Bradshaw's grievances, this one is warranted and all too common.

The milestones of single people are often minimized or totally pushed aside by their partnered peers. This is especially frustrating because it is considerably more expensive to be single in the United States, and therefore more impressive to achieve goals like homeownership.

All of this is to say that a good friend's not celebrating or even acknowledging your buying a house is hurtful.

However, the longer you stay in this mental holding pattern, the more you allow resentment to grow. You have two options here: let it go and shift your expectations of this friend, or confront her and hope that she validates your experience and shows up in a more thoughtful way going forward.

Don't make this about being rude

If you do want to confront her, be very intentional with how you frame the conversation. I would tell you to assume that she didn't intentionally snub you, but I'm not sure her simply forgetting to bring a gift makes it any better.

Instead of fixating on the "why," focus on what you want her to do in the future, said Matt Abrahams, a lecturer in organizational behavior at Stanford University and the author of "Think Faster, Talk Smarter."

'Frame this as a problem to be solved together rather than a rudeness thing.'Matt Abrahams, Stanford University

"Frame this as a problem to be solved together rather than a rudeness thing," said Abrahams, who focuses on strategic communication.

Be direct and specific about the situation to which you are referring without any name calling. It can be as short as this: "Can we talk about my housewarming?"

Emphasize that you love celebrating with her and point to examples from the past - if you have them - that show how much fun you two have when you are supporting each other.

Abrahams suggests the following script: "One of the things I value about our friendship is how we celebrate our successes. ... I feel bad when I don't get support for the life changes I've had. Perhaps what would have made me feel supported is a gift or a hand moving in."

Express that, in the future, you want her to be part of these milestone experiences, and then state exactly what that might look like. Maybe it's buying a gift or taking you to lunch. The important part is that you feel like she is excited for you.

This approach makes the talk less accusatory and more about what you'd like to see happen in the future, should the two of you remain close.

I want to add that this talk might not result in any change. If that's the case, it might be helpful to rethink how or if you expect her to be excited for your wins.

A therapist once told me: "There is no reason to get upset about the way people are." At the time, I thought it was a bit dismissive. Eventually, though, the phrase became a kind of mantra when I was deciding to let something go.

If you want to accept that she is the type of friend who might not show up for you sometimes, you also have to free yourself from caring about those shortcomings. If she remembers an important date, that's great. If not, move on.

You can shift the narrative

As I said, it's totally fine not to confront her, but I don't want your friend's indifference to infect you. When enthusiasm in a relationship feels one-sided, it's easy to get bitter.

It's endearing that you like to celebrate your friends. Being thoughtful and present are important virtues that often go unrewarded.

But I'd also implore you to think about the difference you might make by revealing this imbalance in your relationship.

By vocalizing how this dynamic doesn't feel reciprocal, you are possibly shifting the larger narrative about what is worth celebrating and what isn't, said Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist and author of "Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-filling Joy of Single Life."

"Society hasn't kept up with contemporary changes," she said. "I think it would be really helpful if these new understandings became more commonplace so that more people realized that the way things are set up now, our norms are really unfair to people who are single and don't have kids."

How nice would it be if buying a house on your own or getting a well-earned promotion sparked the same level of excitement - or any level of excitement - from friends and family who rush to celebrate every wedding or pregnancy?

I'd love to live in this world!

-Aditi Shrikant

This content was created by MarketWatch, which is operated by Dow Jones & Co. MarketWatch is published independently from Dow Jones Newswires and The Wall Street Journal.

(END) Dow Jones Newswires

09-05-25 1257ET