My husband wants to sell our $1.5 million home and invest the proceeds. But this is where we raised our kids - and I can't bear to leave.

By Quentin Fottrell

'He wants to buy something for $600,000 now that we are empty-nesters'

"We have another $1.8 million in retirement accounts and savings, plus Social Security." (Photo subjects are models.)

Dear Quentin,

I'm 67, my husband is 69, and we've been married 38 years. We've lived in the same four-bedroom colonial for 32 of those years. It's paid off and worth $1.5 million. We have another $1.8 million in retirement accounts and savings, plus Social Security and a small pension from his old job. No debt, and our kids are on their own.

So this isn't a money problem, but we can't talk about retirement anymore without it turning into a fight. He wants to buy something for $600,000 now that we are empty-nesters, and invest the rest. He has a spreadsheet. I've seen it open on the laptop at the kitchen table at 11 p.m., with property taxes, insurance and the lawn guy all in little columns.

He says we're heating rooms nobody uses, and he's right that nobody has slept in the fourth bedroom since our youngest left 12 years ago. It holds a treadmill (of course) and about nine boxes of Christmas decorations. He's also right that the place is a money pit. The roof has maybe three years left and the furnace sounds like it's clearing its throat every morning.

Last spring, we dropped $18,000 on a sewer line. Every time something breaks, Ron looks at me across the room like the case is closed. But the pantry door has pencil marks on it, one for every kid every year, with the dates in my handwriting. We brought both babies home to this house. He calls it sentimental clutter. I thought that was mean.

He slipped on the back steps last winter, and we both pretended it didn't scare us, but he could have just as easily slipped on another stairwell. All three kids live within an hour away. We host Thanksgiving every year, 14 people if everyone shows up, and the grandkids spend half of it out in the yard. Our daughter said she'd be sad if we sold.

I worry a small kitchen means the end of Thanksgiving, and that the grandkids will come less often if there's no yard. Ron says I'm inventing reasons because I'm scared of change. Maybe I am. But I don't want to be 75 and regret that we gave it up too soon. How do we decide whether staying is worth what it costs? Is it foolish to keep a house this big?

A Sentimental 67-Year-Old Homeowner

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

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I agree with your husband. I agree with you. Honestly, it's a tough call.

Dear Sentimental,

Take the pantry door with you when you go.

Joking aside, I think that's an idea worth exploring. Take whatever has sentimental value to your new home. If you live in a large, drafty house that costs money to heat, costs you thousands of dollars a year in property taxes and insurance, and you're only using a small number of rooms, it may no longer make financial sense to stay. But plenty of people live in the house where they raised their family because they love the house, the garden, and the feeling they get when they close the front door behind them. That's worth a lot.

It's as much a "money problem" as it is an everything-else problem. You have Social Security, which I'll assume is $4,000 a month between the two of you. If you follow the 4% rule and withdraw from your $1.8 million in savings in the first year, that would give you $72,000 before taxes. Whether your savings could endure that level of withdrawals over the rest of your lives depends on how much you spend, how you invest your nest egg, what happens in the stock market, how much you get in Social Security, and your husband's pension.

Your retirement fund could last until you're in your 90s, or for another 30 years (to be gloriously optimistic). An $80,000 income from $1.8 million equates to a 4.44% withdrawal rate in the first year, while an initial 4% withdrawal, adjusted for inflation in subsequent years, would give you $72,000 in the first year. You know your own lifestyle best, but this should give you a pretty good idea if you will need to downsize later. If you sold your house for $1.5 million and bought another for half the price, that would be a nice profit. You can afford to stay. You have choices.

There's plenty of room for discussion between his computer spreadsheet and your very real love for this place you call home. For starters, a lot of thought and time probably went into that spreadsheet. It may be his way of trying to make the next stage of your lives more secure. If you ended up with $2.7 million in investable assets after selling your home and buying another, a 4% initial withdrawal would - or could - give you an income of $108,000 a year before taxes. Would that difference affect how you want to live in retirement?

Related: My wife says we can't afford to retire, yet she wants to take an $8,000 trip to Italy. We have $4 million. Do I keep working?

A trial move

Moving makes more sense if you believe it would be expensive or impractical to future-proof your current home, with bedrooms and a decent bathroom on the ground floor. The costs of maintaining the house and your ability to live there safely as you age all matter. I agree with both of you that $18,000 for a sewer line is a lot of money, and that money could have been spent on a golf-club membership or several trips to Europe or South America. I agree with your husband. I agree with you. Honestly, it's a tough call.

What's the point of moving if one of you is unhappy? It's hard to imagine handing your home over to another couple or family and settling into a smaller space. If you talk to anyone who has lived in several properties throughout their life, they will probably have one home they still think about fondly. But it's "our" belongings - clothing, artwork, knickknacks, and all the stuff we accumulate (and get rid of as the years progress) - that create and, yes, recreate that familiar space that feels like home.

Explore your options with the help of a financial adviser, a couples therapist, or both. The former can help you compare the costs of staying versus going, while the latter can help you see each other's viewpoints. Once you have more clarity, an open discussion with your children could also help - not to get their approval, but to get their perspective. They know your family dynamics well and may have ideas. The starting point is that there is no "he's right and I'm wrong" or "I'm wrong and he's actually right." You both have valid points.

Rather than renting out your home or having strangers live among your belongings, why not spend some time in a rental property that could substitute as a long-term home. Visit open houses and imagine your life outside of this house, including during Thanksgiving and visits from your grandkids. It wouldn't hurt to have a survey done on your home to see how much you might have to pay for upgrades. You and your husband are not on opposing sides. You're on the same side. Just because he wants to downsize does not mean that he doesn't love the memories, too.

Related: My sister moved in with our mother, 78, and now says she deserves the $925,000 family home. Is she right?

Check out The Moneyist's private Facebook group, where members help answer life's thorniest money issues. Post your questions, weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns or email The Moneyist on qfottrell@marketwatch.com.

More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

'I have no children': My aunt gave me $50,000 for a down payment. Now she wants me to leave my home to her two children.

My brother-in-law convinced his parents to sign over their home and life savings to buy a $3 million compound. Do I intervene?

'People in the U.S. need to wake up': As a mortgage loan officer, I rejected applications from wealthy couples. Here's why.

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-Quentin Fottrell

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