'She's living the dream': My stepmother said I can buy my childhood home for $850,000. Is she taking advantage of me?

By Quentin Fottrell

'My late father bought our house for $250,000 in the 1990s'

"She said if my dad wanted me to have it, he should have arranged that before he died." (Photo subject is a model.)

Dear Quentin,

My late father bought our house for $250,000 in the 1990s. By the time he died, it was worth about $850,000, mostly because it's spacious and in a good neighborhood. He left it to my stepmother, whom he married a few years after my mom died. She is now 74. They were together for 18 years. She took care of him through the whole illness, which I don't take lightly.

Dad told me more than once that the house would be mine someday. My stepmother now wants to sell and move somewhere smaller. She's living the dream in Miami. I offered $700,000. That's $200,000 under market, but I thought it was fair, given that she would skip agent fees and it would be a quick, clean sale. I'd have to stretch to do it, but I could manage.

She was really offended, and she told me as much. She said she's paid the property taxes and the repairs for years (she put a new roof on in 2021). She also said she spent a big chunk of her own savings on my father's care and that the house is basically her retirement plan, and that she can't just hand me $200,000 because I'm sentimental.

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The $200,000 discount

That's a fair point, and I told her so. What I can't get past is that a few years ago she gave her daughter $200,000 toward a house, and that is how (and why) I came up with the $200,000 haircut on my father's home. I brought that up, and she said things were different then, and pointed out that I have a good job and can buy my own place.

She said if my dad wanted me to have it, he should have arranged that before he died. As my girlfriend at the time said, "Yes, she really went there." That comment really stung. He trusted her with everything, and it feels like his wishes just evaporated. She says she honored him by caring for him and that I'm discounting everything she sacrificed.

I could, of course, walk away and buy somewhere else. I've even looked at a couple of listings. But it wouldn't be the same, and I'd always feel like the house slipped away from our family. I know that my stepsister's place has a sauna in the basement, and I'd bet anything that my stepmother helped pay for that too. Not that I'm keeping score. (OK, I know I am a little.)

Am I being unreasonable?

The Stepson

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

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You can't force someone to sell you a house that never legally belonged to you.

Dear Stepson,

Don't allow steam from your stepsister's sauna to cloud your vision. You can grieve the loss of your childhood home without assigning blame.

What's more, you can't force someone to sell you a house that never belonged to you in the first place. Your childhood home, legally and morally, belonged to your father. Even though you grew up there, that doesn't give you the right to a life estate or a $200,000 discount on the purchase price because your stepmother gave her daughter $200,000 toward the down payment on her own home. What's more, selling a house to a family member below fair market value can create a gift of equity equal to the price difference, which the IRS may treat as a taxable gift.

Your late father made a promise that he did not keep, could not keep or decided not to keep. That was his responsibility. It's not your stepmother's job to make good on your father's promises. Whether he made a will leaving her the house or whether she inherited the house through state intestate laws, the end result is the same: She legally owns the house, and she has the right to live there or sell it to whomever she wants.

It is your belief that your father's wishes "evaporated." But wishes, promises and/or intentions evolve, and perhaps he realized that he wanted to take care of his wife of nearly two decades, and die with the knowledge that she would always have a roof over her head. It would have been better to have discussed those plans with you rather than leaving you in a kind of limbo, wondering if he truly wanted to leave his estate to his wife. Chances are, he did.

That does not mean this is an easy or pleasant situation for you. You have an emotional attachment to this property, and you regard your stepmother as an interloper, inheriting a property where your own mother probably once lived. It's a tough break for you and your siblings, if you have any. You made your stepmother an offer and she declined. She may be thinking about her own retirement and financial future.

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Passing judgment

Two decades is a long time to spend with someone. She met your father when she was in her 50s, and she's now rightly concerned about medical costs, if she needs nursing home care, especially if she does not have long-term care insurance, or any other kind of life insurance. This house may be the only asset she has, and downsizing will give her a cushion as she heads towards her 80th birthday in six years. That's quite a reality check.

I'm heartened that you realize that taking care of your father was no small deal for your stepmother. Who will take care of her if she sells you this house for $650,000 and runs out of money? Will you drive her to hospital appointments and spend hours a day with her, making sure that she takes her medication and pays her bills, and has enough to eat? That might sound dramatic, but getting older often comes with health complications.

One could argue that you both "went there." She "went there" by telling you your father wanted her to have his house. You "went there" by using emotional leverage, whether or not you believe it in your heart to be valid, to persuade her to sell this house to you on the cheap. By doing so, you are, whether you realize it or not, also passing judgment on her marriage of 18 years to a man she probably loved very much. You both spoke plainly. That's OK. Just know it's 50/50.

If you want this house, put in an offer when it is listed for sale. If she does get more than one offer and, say, one party offers $50,000 more, she may still decide to sell you the house (and maybe not even mention that she is selling it to you at less than the other offer). Remember, if she gets $950,000 rather than $850,000 - a real possibility if it's a cash buyer and it's a sought-after neighborhood - she would have been giving you a $300,000 discount if she agreed to your proposal.

All is fair in love, second marriages, legal beneficiaries and real estate. Just don't overstretch yourself financially for the sake of nostalgia.

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Check out The Moneyist's private Facebook group, where members help answer life's thorniest money issues. Post your questions, weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns or email The Moneyist at qfottrell@marketwatch.com.

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-Quentin Fottrell

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10-23-26 0615ET