I keep comparing myself to my more financially successful friends. How can I stop?

By Aditi Shrikant

'It's become clear that some of the people I grew up with are going to have very different lives from me'

"Some of the other kids have money to try things now."

Dear Dollar Signs,

I know comparison is the thief of joy, but how do you stop comparing yourself to the people around you?

I find one of the hard things about entering your 40s is that people start to see the impacts of the life decisions they made in their 20s and 30s really start to compound, and it's become clear that some of the people I grew up with are going to have very different lives from me, and their kids will likely have very different financial resources than mine do.

Some of the other kids have money to try things now - sports, academic enrichment, music lessons, language lessons, vacations, summer camps - because their parents have more money left even after saving for college. This is also possible because they have a nanny to take them from one place to another while the parents work. Some kids truly have the resources to explore any of their interests, and to continue practicing them. It's not that my kids don't have access, but they have to pick one at a time. I understand my way is typical, but I also see how other people do it and the many things their children get exposed to.

I am not saying I want the life they have, and I am quite grateful for the life I have, which is comfortable but not lavish. But how can I not feel a little bad about being "left behind" by the people around me, who seem to be on an upward trajectory that I can't mimic in my line of work?

Keeping Up With No One

If you're just starting out on your money or career journey and have questions about how to navigate your finances, we want to hear from you. Write to Dollar Signs, MarketWatch's advice column for younger and emerging investors, at dollarsigns@marketwatch.com.

Dear Keeping Up,

The envy you're describing is uncomfortable, frustrating and totally natural. We don't live in a vacuum and the company we keep impacts how we see ourselves and our decisions.

When we catch ourselves in these negative thought patterns, it's important to remember that our socioeconomic status doesn't define us. It might feel bad seeing other kids being shuttled from hobby to hobby, but that doesn't mean you're doing a bad job as a parent because yours must pick one at a time.

The feeling of being "left behind" is not unique to you or your situation. People who believe they are out-earning their peers do appear to be actually happier, according to a 2024 paper circulated by the National Bureau of Economic Research. But when is enough enough? You may be surprised to know that that question plagues even wealthier people you may envy: 72% of U.S. adults, including 69% of high-income earners, say they would be happier if they saved more money, according to a 2025 YouGov/MarketWatch poll. And only 26% of U.S. parents think their kids are going to be financially better off than they were, according to 2025 data from Pew Research Center.

I urge you not to judge your former self. Perhaps the choices you made in your 20s did lead to you having less earning potential, but you made them for a reason. It might help to remind yourself what information you used to make those decisions.

You say you want to stop comparing yourself to your friends, but I challenge you to reframe how you view comparison, itself. It's not always bad to notice or even desire what your friends have, says Stacy Kim, a social scientist and author of "Envy: Why Wanting What They Have is the Key to Getting What You Want."

There are two types of envy: malicious and benign. The former describes when you are focused on the person - you wish they didn't have the experiences or opportunities you want. The latter is when you are focused on what they have, not who they are.

"If your focus is on the thing you want, then it's more benign and more motivating if you recognize that," Kim says. "You think, 'I'm going to get this.'"

You mention that, unlike some of your friends' kids, yours don't have access to specific resources. Which resources are you talking about? When you sit down and think about your family's future, does access to these resources feel important?

Answering these questions can give you a better sense of how much attention you should pay to this uncomfortable feeling. If you want your life to look a little different, that is good information to have, and you can make upcoming career and spending decisions with this in mind.

You have the power to change your own circumstances. For example, finding a new role could increase your income: In August 2026, median wage growth for job-switchers was 5%, according to data from the Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta. For job-stayers it was only 3.6%.

This is also a good time to network. As the year ends, it's natural to check in with old colleagues or managers about what they accomplished during the past 12 months and what they plan to do in the next. See where you can offer help or fit in. Unfair as it may seem, some opportunities are given to those who are in the right place at the right time asking the right questions, not those who apply.

Just because you cannot mimic your friends' career paths doesn't mean your own is set in stone. Picture what you want your life to look like in a year and use that image as your compass. Your decisions should be made based on the future you desire, not the life your peers seemingly have.

Write to Dollar Signs at dollarsigns@marketwatch.com.

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-Aditi Shrikant

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10-13-26 1305ET