I gave my friend's daughter cash for her wedding. I did not receive a thank-you card. Do I say something?

By Quentin Fottrell

'They cashed the check 10 days after the wedding'

"What is an appropriate amount of time to wait to receive a thank-you note for a very generous wedding gift?" (Photo subject is a model.)

Dear Quentin,

What is an appropriate amount of time to wait to receive a thank-you note for a very generous wedding gift? Should you say something if you don't get one? The money was given to the daughter of a friend of mine, so it feels awkward. They cashed the check 10 days after the wedding.

Wedding Guest

Related: My second husband will leave me $540,000 if I bequeath him my $130,000 net worth. What will happen to my two sons?

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

This is a case of see nothing, say nothing.

Dear Guest,

You're having a very human response.

How soon after their wedding should a couple send a thank-you note? Ideally, when they get back from their honeymoon. That's a good time to go through their gifts and spend a Saturday afternoon drinking sparkling wine or lemonade and writing thank-you cards. The couple will still be on a high after all the festivities and luxuriating in the afterglow of the love - and cash - bestowed upon them. If they leave it three months, that's OK, but the later they thank people, the less impact it will have, even if their notes are filled with the same gratitude and appreciation.

As for speaking up about not receiving a thank-you card, this is a case of see nothing, say nothing. It's not your role as a guest and, especially, as a friend of the bride's parents to point out that the couple fell down on their wedding etiquette. You are a friend and a guest, and a generous one at that, but you are not the wedding-present police. You gave this money as a gift. It's not a transaction in which you write a check, and then you receive a note in the mail saying how kind you are.

It feels awkward because you're disappointed. That's fine. Process those feelings in the privacy of your own home (or on these pages). And you want something - an acknowledgement. That's understandable, but you need to let that go and be the most openhearted and, yes, open-minded friend you can be. That means smiling when you see your friend's daughter the next time, and telling her how wonderful the wedding was and how beautiful she looked, and asking her about her honeymoon.

Don't mention the check. What would you say? "I noticed you cashed the check 10 days after the wedding. It's a shame you didn't run as fast to the post office to send a thank-you note as you did to the bank." Obviously, that's the wrong approach. It turns your gift into a slap in the face with a wet fish. Also, don't embarrass your friend or shame her daughter by mentioning it to your friend, even in passing. Some things you have no control over, and thank-you notes are among those things.

Related: My wife and I passed on a family wedding due to a 'no-child' rule. We're now attending a friend's nuptials without our kids. Are we hypocrites?

Belated thank-you cards

The Knot, a wedding website, says this about sending thank-you cards: "Aim to get all your thank-you notes in the mail by three months after your wedding. While wedding thank-you card etiquette dictates that you technically have a year from the day you receive your present to thank the gift giver, it's good practice to get your notes of appreciation out sooner, if you're able. Send late wedding thank-you cards and guests may assume you've forgotten about their gift or presence at your wedding."

The good news: It's never too late to send a thank-you card, although the message should be extra effusive if it arrives a year down the line. "When writing belated wedding thank-you cards, be sure to focus your message on how much you appreciate the thoughtfulness of their gift and their presence at your celebration," the Knot adds. "It's best to avoid making any excuses for why the note is late - a short and sweet 'newlywed life got away from us' is fine, if you feel like you want to acknowledge your tardiness."

With all due respect to the Knot, which provides lots of helpful information for couples getting married, knowing the general recommended timing for a thank-you card does not really help you, the gift giver. That's guidance for the couple, not for guests who feel insulted by a lack of communication and use it as leverage for their resentment. (As generous as your gift was, keep in mind that weddings themselves are increasingly expensive. The average cost is now more than $34,000, the Knot reports.)

Hang tight. Live your life. Wish this couple well. They might have even mistakenly overlooked you. Be the most generous version of yourself that you can be. Invite your friends and their newlywed children over for lunch now that they're back from their honeymoon - not to shame them into remembering their thank-you cards but to drink from the magical goblet of kindness. It will hopefully help rid you of these feelings of impatience and irritation over not having your generous gift acknowledged.

I acknowledge it. We see you. You done good.

Related: 'I'm an endless honey pot': My wife and I are in our 70s. We gave our son $40,000 for his L.A. wedding. Now he wants more.

More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

'I feel overwhelmed': I'm 56 and only have $60,000 in my IRA. Is it too late for me?

'We're aiming for a monthly income of $11,500': I'm 64. I've $1.5 million in a 401(k). How do I time my withdrawals?

'I worked very hard': I'm 71 and have $6 million after scrimping and saving. My son, 33, wants money for a house. Do I say yes?

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-Quentin Fottrell

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04-18-26 1312ET