My 19-year-old son wants to get married so Uncle Sam will 'kick in more scratch' for his girlfriend's financial aid. Is this a terrible idea?

By Beth Pinsker

'She wants to join my son at his private liberal-arts college that costs $83,000 a year'

Dear Fix My Portfolio,

My 19-year-old son and his girlfriend have cooked up a plan to get married so that she can get more aid from FAFSA by filing as an independent married couple. She wants to join my son at his private liberal-arts college that costs $83,000 a year. Her parents hate him, so they will only give her $20,000 a year for her college education. The kids' theory is that Uncle Sam will kick in more scratch to cover her gap if they are married.

I'm worried she'll have to take out a lot of loans instead, because her parents will likely cut her off completely if they go through with it, and then my son would be on the hook for them, even if they divorce.

Plus, I think they're too young to get married (that's me speaking emotionally, and not in a measured detached manner). How do I get them to rethink this? Is there anything I can tell them about the financial-aid process to show them that this wouldn't work? Please help me convince them.

Frazzled Mom

Dear Frazzled,

Oof, I feel for you. Parenting never gets any easier, even when your kids are technically adults who the government allows to make decisions for themselves. Many will resort to pulling the purse strings to retain control, but sometimes that has the opposite effect. Rebellion comes in all forms, but at least the one you describe here has a noble purpose: These kids want to be together and both get a good education.

This is your best argument against it: They are still rolling the dice on what kind of financial aid each school will offer them.

Despite the recent spate of student-loan forgiveness, Uncle Sam isn't picking up the tab for anyone in this situation. Getting married will likely just delay the cost through loans. "Financial aid is often thought of as 'free money' for college but that's not the full picture," said Patricia Roberts, chief operating officer for Gift of College, a gifting platform for college money.

Financial aid actually comes from the individual schools, either as grants directly from the institution or in the form of loans. The Free Application for Student Aid (FAFSA) merely measures a family's ability to pay based on their income. It gets reported to each school you apply to, and they sort out what deal they can offer you, and how much you are eligible to borrow. Only Pell Grants don't need to be repaid, but those will only cover a portion of the list price of college tuition.

If these kids get married, they would need to do it before next year's financial-aid application deadline, for the academic year 2026-2027, so they can mark themselves as married. It likely won't help for this coming academic year, as those applications are already being processed. But for the following year, getting married would make them independent on both the FAFSA form and the CSS Profile, which is the more complicated aid form that private colleges require.

The big caveat is this: A private college that uses the CSS profile may actually still want parent information from independent students. The College Board, which administers that financial-aid form, says only this: "On the CSS Profile, students who are married are independent. Some institutions may still request parent data from independent students. This is an institutional policy and can be confirmed with the institution directly."

Financial aid expert Mark Kantrowitz told me this mostly comes into play with medical and law-school applications, and can extend to much older ages because parents tend to support children in professional schools. "I have not heard of them asking for information for undergraduate school, unless they suspect a sham marriage (i.e., where the parents are still providing financial support to the students)," he said.

If you call to find out this information, tread carefully, as you don't want to raise any suspicions in the aid office.

Not all costs covered

Another myth to bust for this couple: No matter what the aid package, it's unlikely to cover all the costs involved. "The average unmet need at U.S. colleges is over $10,000," Kantrowitz noted. They're going to need cash for living expenses, probably an off-campus apartment to live together, and transportation.

Plus, their aid is likely to include a hefty amount of loans as part of the package, and yes, your son would be responsible for his wife's loans in the case of divorce. If they need private loans beyond the federal borrowing limit, they'll need a creditworthy cosigner, and this could put you on the hook too.

"Student-loan debt can be an unexpected 'third wheel' that is ever-present in marriage - and depending on the amounts borrowed, can be a source of stress that sticks around for 10 or even 20-plus years," said Roberts.

This would be a good moment to flag that they should get a pretty detailed prenuptial agreement in place before they get married. It will protect both of them.

One alternative they might not like so much is for at least one of them, if not both, to attend a less expensive school that only requires the FAFSA application for financial-aid consideration, like a public university or community college. The caveat with this suggestion is that those schools tend to offer less aid, and so the costs might still overwhelm them.

They could also take turns working and going to school, but this is also where a prenup would be invaluable, because that's an easy promise to break.

At base, the issue here is family communication. And the easiest way to solve this is not with a hurry-up marriage, but with a frank, adult conversation with all involved. The way the U.S. higher-education system works, parents are roped into the equation even if they want to opt out. There's probably a solution here that would allow these kids to go to college, settle into jobs and then decide if they want to get married. Real openness about the practical financial realities could go a long way for all involved.

Got a question about investing, how it fits into your overall financial plan and what strategies can help you make the most out of your money? You can write to me at beth.pinsker@marketwatch.com. Please put "Fix My Portfolio" in the subject line. You can also join the Retirement conversation in our Facebook community: Retire Better with MarketWatch.

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-Beth Pinsker

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05-11-24 1116ET

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