'I live in a slum': My ex-husband knocked down, then rebuilt my home and left it in foreclosure. Now he refuses to pay alimony.

By Quentin Fottrell

'He woke one morning and announced he was done'

Dear Quentin,

I will try to condense this but it has been going on for 15 years. I married a man who had never owned a home, and had no financial sense. I owned my home from the time I was 23 and also had my own small business. He and his ex-girlfriend had lots of debt, and I refused to marry him until they handled it. Both declared bankruptcy.

We lived in a house I owned before our marriage for 15 years when he decided that, as he was a construction manager, we should build a new home on the property. The recession hit in 2008, and we barely got the house built. We knew he would be laid off. He had been making $70,000 to $80,000 a year, and I had been doing well selling collectibles.

He bought a sports car, RV, a boat, scuba gear, had a bunch of dental work done, and God knows what else (he did not tell me about everything). He had also had a heart attack and was in and out of hospitals for over a year. He woke one morning and announced he was done. We had been married for almost 20 years, and he had just built a new house the year before.

Left with a home in foreclosure

He left me with absolutely nothing except a home that was in foreclosure. He also strung out the divorce for over a year. I had no idea where he was. He would not show up for court. I found out that he was in the same town working for his best friend's brand-new construction company. He still would not comply with court orders and never has in the 15 years since.

The company has not complied with court-ordered garnishment. I have tried court action, contacting state representatives, and federal representatives, and the California Contractors State License Board. I also contacted other local politicians, but I did not hear back from them on my case. But I have not given up.

Prevailing-wage jobs have strict rules about wages that involve taxpayer money. This company has lied for 15 years that he makes $2,000 a month (that was the original amount of support he was to pay me). He has testified in court that a laborer makes $38 an hour, plus benefits, which he said is approximately $62 an hour (which I imagine is much higher now).

Feeling depressed and scared

The worst part of this is that my Social Security Insurance is $1,271 for the rest of my life because the minute he turned 62 last year, they switched me to his early retirement. The SSI lady told me after looking at his records, "Oh, you are going to be very happy!" I said, "How happy am I going to be?" Imagine my face when I received just $71 a month more.

But, wait, it gets worse. The United States Department of Housing and Urban Development upped my rent by $35 a month, so whoopee my net increase was $36 a month! I was shocked that SSI could screw me too. My circumstances have been vastly reduced since I met this man, especially as I owned my own home when we met.

I am owed at least $300,000 if you go by what the divorce court allowed him to lie about, but the true amount should be five times that as I believe he was making over $120,000 a year. I am now 70 years old. I own a 20-year-old car, and I live in a slum. I am so beyond angry, I am depressed and scared to death. What's my next move?

The Ex-Wife

Dear Ex-Wife,

What a charmer - he said "hello" with bankruptcy and "goodbye" with foreclosure.

Your ex-husband brought financial instability and chaos wherever he went, but it wasn't due to his own lack of self-awareness or ambition: renovating this, liquidating that. He was quite a guy. I regularly advise couples not to pool all of their assets, particularly those who meet later in life and/or who have shown that they are financially irresponsible.

But this fellow did not hide who he was. He was earning $80,000 a year tops, had just declared bankruptcy, and yet purchased a sports car, RV, and a boat? He was someone who - like a gambler - was desperately trying to fill the proverbial God-shaped hole, and needed resources and/or a partner with assets to do it. He found the latter.

There may be a reason why your husband's Social Security was far less than you had anticipated. He was being paid off the books by his best friend and employer, which would help explain why he was able to set alimony at a lower rate than you expected. But he and his employer still need to cooperate with a court order demanding payment.

Social Security spousal benefit

If you were 62 last year and he was 70, you would have been eligible to receive spousal benefit from your ex-husband's Social Security, $1,271 should represent 32.55% of his monthly benefit rather than the full 50% entitlement. Judging by the Social Security Administration's estimates, he would have been earning a good living in the intervening years.

The Center on Budget and Policy Priorities estimates that "80% of retired workers - and even larger percentages of disabled workers and aged widows and widowers - received monthly benefits of less than $2,500 last year." And at your monthly Social Security, you barely exceed the annual income ($15,060) for those on the poverty line. Read more here.

I appreciate that you contacted multiple organizations and federal officials, and I've no doubt that's because you are at your wit's end. This 15-year-long battle has taken on epic proportions, especially given your reduced circumstances compared to the time you met your ex-husband. Now is the time to take a simple, calm and direct approach.

The State Bar of California has resources for seeking free legal counsel. The California Courts have information on court-based self-help services, low-cost referral services, legal-aid agencies, government agencies and law schools that could help. The Internal Revenue Service may also be enlisted to garnish tax refunds. The courts can also levy bank accounts.

Challenging unpaid alimony

Your ex and his employer can evade emails or calls, but they cannot change the letter of the law. If indeed they were served with a "writ of garnishment," your ex and his company can be held in contempt of court. They can be fined and jailed if they refuse to cooperate with this. A family-law facilitator or family-law attorney will help you with this.

The whole point of divorce is to get a person out of your life and your head. There is, therefore, a harder conversation that you may not wish to have with yourself about what point you decide to win this battle by letting go of it, and moving on with your life. It's a battle of wills in addition to a legal war over your alimony payments - to see who can outlast the other.

You may have been duped and/or you may also have wanted something honorable in return: companionship, love or the financial security of sharing your life and expenses with another person. But one way to find peace, regardless of the outcome with your alimony payments, is to be brutally honest with yourself and acknowledge the role you played.

For now, you need one experienced family-law attorney in your corner.

The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

Previous columns by Quentin Fottrell:

My late aunt gave her husband a life tenancy in her home - but her attorney won't even let us see the will. Is this a bad sign?

'We were all set to enjoy our retirement': My son invested in startups and we bailed him out with $100,000. What now?

I don't want to end up with stalkers': Should I tell my heirs that I'm writing a will and how much they can expect to inherit?

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-Quentin Fottrell

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